A user’s guide on taking offence

The only thing worse than seeing your religion insulted before millions of people is to see it insulted before mere tens of thousands. And that is precisely the latest blow to fall across the shoulders of Iran’s ancient Zoroastrian community.

You doubtless saw the news, written by the inimitable dry wit of Shima Shahrabi and published in these pages, of a music video by the Iranian-born pop singer Amitis. The video, called “King”, features a much-diminished Snoop Dogg (who, you guessed it, is the video’s eponymous monarch and ascends its blingy gold throne) and it caused a fuss with Zoroastrians in Iran and Parsis around the world. Amitis, who is named after the wife of Cyrus the Great (yes, really) is cast as a queen. Her Majesty utters banalities unfit to be typed by our fingers and writhes beneath an oversized Faravahar.

Enter the controversy. The Faravahar is the preeminent religious symbol of Zoroastrianism and, according to Dr Ali Akbar Jafari, a Zoroastrian priest, it symbolises the “values” of the faith.

“All the details of this symbol have a special meaning,” Dr Jafari says. “The face is of an elder person who is wise and serves as an example for others. The right hand of this wise elder points towards the sky, which is in praise of Ahura Mazda [Wise Lord]. The left hand holds a ring, which is a symbol of the pact between man and Ahura Mazda. The three layers of wings signify ‘Good Thoughts, Good Words and Good Deeds’,” which are the three pillars of the religion.

A petition on Change.org has so far attracted nearly 700 signatures from outraged and offended Zoroastrians. The music video itself, though, is only barely doing better; 36,248 people have seen it on YouTube, as of this writing, which is still a few short of the 213 million who have seen “Bad Blood”, the most recent blockbuster from Taylor Swift and a dozen of her close, personal and super-famous friends.

All of which brings us to the real problem. Our Zoroastrian compatriots are kicking up the wrong fuss. The Faravahar is sacred, of course; but so is good taste, so is quality, and neither of these were near to hand when Amitis and Snoop were producing their masterpiece.

Amitis reclines on a divan, smoking a hookah and drinking wine; and she doesn’t sing so much as mumble, slurring her words, over-egging her Persian accent. Her eyes stare into the camera – they are either bored or outright dead. Men fan her with palm leaves, she strokes a Persian cat, and you can almost sense every cliché ever fashioned wrestling off-screen to be next. Snoop, meanwhile, doesn’t so much phone in his performance as text it with one hand while the other holds his latest joint.

Women in gold bikinis cavort around a pole. We think that says it all.

Zoroastrians should embrace the teachable moment created by musicians caught desecrating their sacred icons. Let’s learn from the Church of Latter-Day Saints: when “The Book of Mormon” opened on the London stage to rave reviews for its biting satire, their response wasn’t to complain and launch a petition but to embrace the opportunity to tell people more about their beliefs. Posters filled with smiling Mormons and positive messages flourished across London – a virtuosic display of how to play the news to your advantage.

But our Parsi friends would be right to denounce Amitis and the Dogg on a different point. You insult us, they should say, you take our faith in vain; and still, with all that provocation and effrontery, only 30,000 people have seen your video?

Zoroastrianism is at the root of Persian culture – it deserves more than to be hijacked by a has-been American rapper with incoherent rhymes and a talentless singer whose only trick is to look like a stoned Cleopatra. The Zoroastrian community should relaunch their campaign along more ambitious lines. Snoop should retire and Amitis should be effaced from the internet – anything less is just an insult.