Iran, Where Mariage Is Always Complicated And Now In Decline

Does he have a car? A good job? An apartment? Who's paying for the wedding? The apartment is how small? Her mother said what? As anyone who's been paying attention to life knows, the road from finding the right partner to marrying and living with that person is long, expensive, and littered with obstacles. But it is something we strive for nonetheless, eager to reach that point where we can argue over how the rice should be cooked or how often each others' families should visit.

Apart from being something we expect from life, marriage is an indicator that tells us a great deal about a society. So when Hassan Moussavi Chelk, head of the Association of Social Workers of Iran, announced in early June an unprecedented 9.5 percent drop in Iran's marriage rate, we know there's cause for concern. Chelk, quoting figures from the State Organization for Registration of Deeds and Properties, said that in 2012 Iranians registered only 791,656 marriages, down from  874,782 the previous year.

Such a major drop reflects, as Chelk himself suggests, a society in crisis, and the reasons are clear: double-digit inflation, high unemployment, and an economy under greater strain than anytime since the Iran-Iraq War. I was struck by the news, because I realized that declining marriage rates are something that Iran and the United States have in common. These days in America, married couples make up less than half of households; part of the decline is cultural, as traditional marriage loses its authority and cohabitation its taboo. Unemployment is also a factor, enough so that social scientists link the 'marriage gap' with the 'job gap.'

Although the trend is similar, the implications for these two societies vary in interesting ways. In Iran, because it is unthinkable, not to mention illegal, for women to openly have children outside marriage, the marriage gap results in widespread sexual frustration, distorted and illicit sexual interactions, and delayed dreams of parenthood. Not good for a society. In America, sexual relations aren't a problem, but childbearing outside marriage is becoming one. Women who are postponing marriage until later in life or cohabiting with partners are having children anyway, and studies show this puts children at greater risk for poverty, emotional problems and school failure. Not good for a society.

Conservatives in both countries would like young people to marry early and stay married, which recent research shows actually benefits most adults and children alike. But until they can fix the economic problems that are contributing to delayed marriage, the social crises that so upset them will only grow.